Liberty & Jägerschnitzel

Could be worse

2010-07-14T22:40:00.002+02:00

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I was honestly afraid that it might say "Stephanie Meyer".

Overheard in the office

2010-06-11T20:56:00.004+02:00

Co-worker: "I had a hard time adapting to Richard Dean Anderson in his role as Colonel O'Neill in Stargate: SG1 after being used to him playing the lovable, gun-hating MacGy..."

Me: "Make up your mind, will 'ya? Lovable or gun-hating, which is it?"

Parental Aptitute - I haz it

2010-01-05T04:51:00.002+01:00

Well, at least the amount I always said I have, according to the Supernanny test:

http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/supernanny/quiz/index.jsp

My results:

"You are fit to care for: A PET ROCK
Is there a nurturing bone in your body? You are clearly the center of your own universe. But that's okay; go on, have fun, don't worry about us -- the human race will survive without your contribution. (Seriously, before you even THINK about raising children, you need to watch a lot of "Supernanny" every night on Style."

Movie Review

2009-12-30T15:55:00.002+01:00

Saw Avatar over the Winter Solstice.

Short version: Graphically stunning, but a first class WallBanger plot-wise.

Long version: The movie is a horribly preachy piece of white guilt and Greenpeace propaganda with all the subtlety of a stampeding herd of rhinos. My mother called it the most colorful black-and-white movie she ever saw, and she's right. Never since Atlas Shrugged have characters been this Purely Evil™ or Purely Good™. In fact, compared to this movie, the characters in AS are faceted and deep. Seriously.

There are many, many things wrong with this movie, for example the blatant racism of the writers, but I'd like to focus on the issues I had during the movie in the theatre.

First, the reason why the white man wants to wantonly destroy the peaceful and harmonious nature of Pandora: „It's all about the oil!“ Oh, sorry, my bad, it's not actually oil, but a metal(?) the writers actually had the nerve to call „Unobtainium“. The only reason given why the evil white man wants this Mineral MacGuffin is that it's pricey. No mention of what it's good for. Ever. In a three hour movie, they could not find the time to drop a single line explaining why the stuff is so gorram desirable. Of course, if the evil white man wanted the Unobtainium for anything but greed, it could make him appear less than Purely Evil™. We don't want that, do we?

Second, the lesson that life could be so perfect and wonderful if we could only find it in our hearts to learn from these Noble Savages and live in harmony with Mother Gaia. The blue aliens (called Na'Vi) are depicted as the perfect society. There is no war, no crime, no hunger, no disease, no poverty, not even death. I'm not kidding. When a Na'Vi dies, his consciousness is uploaded into The Great Hive Mind™. Which can, of course, be accessed by the convenient interface jacks just about every living thing on that planet has, to ask for advice and/or miracles. Which, of course, are conveniently granted, but only after apparently being denied for dramatic purposes. Bioluminescence is abundant, conveniently illuminating literally every step a Na'Vi makes at night. The trees they sleep in are even conveniently equipped with naturally-grown hammocks. I could go on and on.

My objection is that living in that kind of peace and harmony with nature may be possible on their planet. On ours, it is not. On Pandora, Mother Gaia has but one objective that she pursues with a fanatical single-mindedness: To provide a long and comfortable life to all her children. Here on Earth, nature does not give a crap when any number of organisms kick the bucket, human or non-human. Disease is abundant. If you find yourself in a forest after dark, it's dark, period. Nature does not provide us with comfy hammocks that are also protected from wind and cold.

On this planet, nature will fucking kill you if you let it, with not even a „sorry for the inconvenience“.

I had no idea that Climate Change was this harsh

2009-06-20T18:15:00.003+02:00

19°C, light winds from SSW, mushroom clouds, 60% chance of mild fallout.

Seen on Vista sidebar w/ 8-bit color setting.

One month's salary

2009-05-02T21:55:00.003+02:00

I was at the supermarket today, where I encountered two prime specimens of us sophisticated, classy, refined Europeans.

She: Bare midriff, flip flops, belly button pushed outward, abdomen flabby and strechmarked.
He: Beer gut, formerly white tee shirt, lopsided ballcap, crucifix tattoo on right forearm.

One month's salary. That's how much I'd wager that these Herrenmenschen* think of Murricans as dumb, uncivilized hicks.

*Yes, I'm positive they weren't tourists. The flawless German was sort of a dead giveaway.

Mein Kampfy Chair

2009-04-23T22:41:00.004+02:00

It's a "Le Corbusier LC4". I've wanted to own one ever since I was at a friend's house and sat in the one owned by my friend's dad. That was when I was about 15 or so. Feels great to fulfill a wish held for so long.

Actually, it's a replica of an LC4. I had to order it in England and it was manufactured in Italy. Originals are even harder to get and about two or three times as expensive.

It's definitely worth the money, though.

Freudian slip

2009-01-25T18:59:00.004+01:00

Because I'm a dork who's feeling nostalgic, I went to one of them DVD-rental-by-mail sites and searched for "Flight of the Navigator". Only I didn't. What I actually typed was "flight of the vaginator".

Lucky the Belgians have tight gun control

2009-01-24T18:13:00.002+01:00

If they hadn't, people could just, like, walk into a daycare center and kill a bunch of little kids. Oh, wait...

Let's talk about the weather

2009-01-09T16:42:00.003+01:00

Although I'm not blogging much lately, I'd just like to point out that since about a week ago, the Great Outside is covered in roughly 25 cm (10 inches) of global warming.

Getting old

2008-11-17T17:38:00.003+01:00

Apparently it's not enough that I'm about to hit the big Three-Oh in a couple of weeks. No, lately I have started to like tea. Tea, for the love of all that is cute and fluffy. Tea!

Now it's only a matter of time until I start using snobby tea paraphernalia and begin questing for ever-increasingly exotic flavors, like thyme-pumpkin or sage-watermelon* tea.

* (with whole fruits)

Overheard on the internet

2008-11-13T19:13:00.000+01:00

CB: Well, there are other good TV shows.
Me: Not enough.
CB: Way too many.
Me: Pistols at dawn!

A wishing well, WWW-style

2008-11-11T12:29:00.003+01:00

Change.gov invites every American to offer suggestions and ideas for the ~~Messiah~~ new President. Under "Open Government", the site encourages readers to "Share Your Vision" via email.

Oh, goody! I'll submit my suggestions right after I finish my letter to Santa Claus.

It's official

2008-11-05T12:06:00.002+01:00

People will look back on the Bush administration and call it the good old times. Soon.

At least, now I have very good reason to wear this new t-shirt I designed:

Overheard at work

2008-10-28T22:16:00.003+01:00

This conversation took place at 2200 hours via instant messenger. My awesome co-worker and I are both at our respective homes, he is doing some overtime on a customer's system via VPN.

ACW: Do you have any idea why the jukebox won't load the medium into the drive?
Me: Check whether the medium is in the shelf.
ACW: ppppppppppppfffffft....
ACW: Well, that was easy.
ACW: Couldn't you have given me a more sophisticated explanation?
Me: Well, it could also have been phase synchronicity interferences in the peripheral plasma phalanxes, caused by chronoton particle emissions from Romulan singularity reactors.
Me: But that would be too easy.
ACW: Nothing we can't fix with a flux capacitor.
Me: Either that, or duct tape.

I CAN HAZ PROGRAMIN LANGWICH?

2008-10-08T19:17:00.002+02:00

U HAZ A LOLCODE!

Overheard at the opposite of work

2008-10-06T23:13:00.001+02:00

...while playing BUZZ!:

Buzz: If you were sitting on a 'Texas Longhorn', what kind of animal would you be sitting on?
Me: A steak!

Unification Day

2008-10-03T07:40:00.001+02:00

For some reason, on every 3rd of October, I have a strong desire to go to a bar in the former GDR and start a brawl.

I don't, of course; if only because I don't own a van and don't employ a former fry cook / stunt driver who could rescue me when I start getting my ass kicked.

Waking Up

2008-10-01T00:38:00.000+02:00

... to Green Day's Holiday is TEH AWSUM! It kick-starts your body and puts you in a good mood.

I seriously need to buy myself one of them MP3 alarm clocks. I wanna start every day like this.

Vatican wants to reopen the evolution debate

2008-09-17T20:32:00.012+02:00

The symposium scheduled for March is intended to help to reduce prejudice and arrogance on both sides, says [...] Archbishop Gianfranco Ravasi

Reopen the debate? Are they kidding me? There is no debate.

We have the fossils - we win!

From the mouths of babes

2008-09-17T20:32:00.003+02:00

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders.

What's interesting is that they might just as well be from "Christian Scientists".

When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms, but when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.
Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t why you should.
Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it’s brother against brother.
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H’s as O’s.
I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water. We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won’t drown when we breathe.
In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.
The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.

So. True.

2008-09-16T23:40:00.000+02:00

Made by my awesome co-worker.

Warum so ernst?

2008-09-04T23:08:00.001+02:00

Last week, I went to see The Dark Knight with some friends. In German. Craptastic. Well, the movie was good, but I hate dubbing. Most of the time, anyway.

Side note: Who the hell cast Maggie Gyllenhaal as the female lead? In a beauty contest between her, The Joker and Two-Face, she'd come in last.

Anyway, another few days later, I'm watching Pan's Labyrinth on DVD (language selection between German and Spanish - why does the movie industry hate me so much?) with the same guys I watched Dark Knight with.

When Mercedes cuts Captain Vidal's cheek with her knife, all three of us said, in unison:
WHY SO SERIOUS?

By the way - Maribel Verdú, the actress who played Mercedes? I'd hit that. In fact, I would go Klingon on that ass. Maybe it's not just her looks... might be that I have a weird fetish for freedom fighters or something.

SPOILER ALERT:
I do hate Mercedes' guts, though. It's her fault that Ofelia died in the end. If she had killed Vidal like she should have, she'd have had more of a head start in her escape, and Vidal hadn't been alive to kill Ofelia. Stupid bint.

Sarah Palin for VPOTUS?

2008-09-03T00:14:00.003+02:00

A lot of people are overjoyed about Palin's nomination for Vice President of the United States. They say that now, they don't have to hold their noses when they vote for McCain. I don't quite share their feelings.

Palin is ~~pro-life~~ pro-forced-childbirth and makes no exceptions for rape and incest victims. She has five children, one of whom is an infant with Down's Syndrome because Palin gambled the health of her child by breeding well into her fourties - and lost. She is also a proponent of abstinence-only education and would not oppose teaching "Intelligent Design" in fracking Science class. She supports the War On Some Drugs and opposes same-sex marriage. Did I mention that she's a Pentecostal? That's the brand of Christianity that comes right after the Mormons and the Amish in terms of whackiness. And make no mistake about it, being crazier than Roman Catholics takes a lot of work.

Okay, she is fiscally somewhat conservative. She has actual experience in the executive branch, which is a nice deviation from the common practice of electing legislators into an executive office. She's very attractive for a 44 year-old. She's a hunter and pro-2A.

But does that really make up for her eschewing reason and common sense?

Not that it matters much - Palin is only running for Vice President, after all. If elected, she'd basically be on cold standby until McCain croaks.

Oh, and cut the crap about her 17 year-old daughter being preggers. The behavior of her family does not affect her ability to be perform her duties as VP (few in number and scope as they are), but being a mother to an infant with Down's Syndrome might. I said "might", okay?

Don't get me wrong, Palin is a smart choice - obviously. But does she really warrant that kind of ecstasy?

A nation of pimps

2008-09-01T17:02:00.001+02:00

Someone raised the topic of legalization of prostitution on an internet forum yesterday. With only one exception, everyone agreed that prostitution should be legal. Yes, it's a very liberal (in the modern sense of the word) forum. So far, so good.

What really scared, and I do mean scared me was that everyone, with the only exception of yours truly, also agreed that it should be "regulated".

"Legal and regulated". It was like a mantra, chanted over and over. I'm not joking, about half of the posts consisted entirely of this, and nothing else. "Legal and regulated, forever and ever, Amen."

Where do these people get off? They say who a woman has sex with and for which reasons is her business alone - and then, in the very same sentence, they turn around and say that depending on what those reasons are, they have a right to tell her how to have sex.

What makes them think they are any better than a common pimp, making choices for a prostitute in exchange for protection? Their good intentions? The road to hell is paved with those.

I begin to understand why some prostitutes say that everyone is either a john or a pimp.

Since you need a license for everything except procreation...

2008-08-30T10:38:00.004+02:00

... how about a license for using a telephone?

Okay, everyone misdials sometimes. You apologize and hang up. Occasionally, you don't misdial and actually have the wrong number. In those rare cases, apologize again, and hang up.

But this old lady that calls here about every other day? She's a real piece of work. Way over half of my incoming calls are from her.

Granted, my answering machine still has the neutral message that is the factory default, but it's been over two months and she still hasn't figured out that her grandson "Mark" won't call back because no "Mark" lives here.

Sometimes, when I'm home, I even answer the call. And it always goes like this:

Me: Hello?
Old Lady: Mark? It's your grandmother!
Me: This is not Mark. There is no Mark here.
Old Lady: (Beat.) Then who is there? (Seriously, she said that. Verbatim.)
Me: Does it matter? Not Mark. (Click.)

Every. Time.

I'm tempted to call her back and explain to her that her grandson has a new number and didn't give it to her because he hates her and probably wants her to die horribly, like in a fire or by being eaten alive from the inside by worms or something.

But I might be projecting.

I HAZ A SMRT

2008-08-07T21:30:00.003+02:00

Free-IQTest.net - Quick IQ Test

Yes, I know that a 20 question IQ test is wildly inaccurate. Still feels nice, though.

Hiatus

2008-08-06T21:48:00.002+02:00

Sorry for the lack of posts, but my snark is broken. I also have to work on catching up with my sleep deficit.

Go visit Brigid in the meantime. She writes wonderful stuff. And she cooks delicious meals and posts pictures of them. Sometimes, even the recipes.

Barack Obama's politics

2008-07-31T20:25:00.001+02:00

In between Hope! and Change!, it's hard to determine presidential hopeful Obama's actual politics. He is remarkably elusive about what issues he would like to address and how. Recently, he was caught using socialist newspeak.

"Economic justice"... where did I read something like that before? Oh, yeah: In a leaflet from the Leftist Party of Germany.

If Comrade Obama uses buzzwords from their repertoire, you better start investing in gold and ammo.

Ironically, Obama's political views should be of very little consequence; he is a candidate for the highest executive office of the U.S., after all. His only influence on the legislative branch is basically whether it takes a simple majority or a two-thirds majority to pass a bill.

Cute duck harassed by mean toddler

2008-07-29T13:19:00.000+02:00

Last time I was visiting my mother in England for a weekend, we took the Warwick Castle tour. On the castle grounds, there was a single duck, being fed some bread by a toddler. After he ran out of bread, he tried to catch the duck. Probably just wanted to pet her, but probably would have hurt her in the process. Ever wonder why toddler toys are always solid plastic with no moving parts? He ran after her with his badly coordinated toddler steps, but he couldn't catch her. If he had, I would have intervened. His handler repeatedly called after him to "leave the duck alone", but since when do toddlers listen?

After several more minuted of this, the mother finally strapped the toddler into her doublewide stroller.

After that, the cute duck was free to go about her business of begging for food. She would go up to a group of tourists sitting on the lawn and look at one of the humans as if to say "Hey, you guys got any food for me?" Usually, they would throw her some bread that she would scurry to pick up and gulp down. Then she would beeline back to the same group and resume looking at the generous human. "Thanks. Got any more?"

So. Cute.

Overheard at work

2008-07-27T06:19:00.005+02:00

Our Project Manager is giving us a demonstration of the new project management software we are implementing. As an example, he creates a new project and titles it

fvhdsljf fhfklhlhr

Co-worker: There's a typo!
Project Manager (sheepishly): Sorry.

fvhdsljf fhfklhghr

Note to American readers: This really is gibberish, not German. Could be Bavarian, though.

Our company is giving out free tickets to some car racing event at the Nürburgring. Of course, I'm not going, I have better things to do than watching people drive in circles. Even if it's really fast.

Co-worker 1 to co-worker 2: Hm, considering where you live, you'd probably have to get up at around 06:30 to make it.

Co-worker 2: That's when I get up anyway.

Me: On a Sunday?!?

Co-worker 2: Yeah, my kids are up early, and that means that I am, too.

Me: Wanna know when I get up on Sundays?

(Co-worker 2 knows what's coming and gives me the finger.)

Me: Whenever. I. Please. HA!

Co-worker 1: I've never heard anyone laugh as dirty as you do.

This can't be a coincidence

2008-07-23T21:53:00.000+02:00

Whenever I wait for the blessings of capitalism to arrive in the mail, I get propaganda from the Leftist Party instead.

What I really admire in communists is that they're not ashamed to actually use Newspeak. The phrase they use most in their pamphlet is sozial gerecht (socially just). At least they admit that their idea of "just" is different from regular justice.

Overheard at the office

2008-07-22T16:09:00.001+02:00

(The company is in the process of outfitting all desks with new chairs, at about EUR 200 a pop. Give or take 50, depending on the model.)

CEO: Why do the new office chairs for our employees have to be so expensive?
Head of IT: With all due respect, sir, your office chair cost EUR 1500.
CEO: Yes, but I sit in it all day.

Dilbert is not satire.

Babies will f*ck up your vacation

2008-07-21T08:39:00.003+02:00

A co-worker just came back from a three weeks' vacation in Thuringia, Germany. He didn't look relaxed. When I inquired about how he enjoyed it, he replied, in a grim tone: "Don't ask. My daughter has been teething. The whole time."

Hopechange!

2008-07-18T18:47:00.003+02:00

This has Tam's hands all over it. I can prove nothing, though.

Short observation

2008-07-16T08:01:00.002+02:00

Blatant plagiarism may be the sincerest form of flattery, but being told you look 8 years younger than you actually are sure feels nicer.

The ABCs of Me

2008-07-14T23:14:00.002+02:00

Taken from Breda, who got it from Squeaky.

Accent: Born in Bochum, raised by Bochumers, and working in Bochum for 10 years now, I have a distinct Ruhr area accent.

Breakfast or no breakfast: No breakfast. By the time I finally make it out of bed, I'm in too much of a hurry - or it's already time for lunch.

Chore I don’t care for: All of them?

Dog or Cat: Probably cats. Less affectionate, but more independent.

Essential Electronics: „Essential electronics“ is redundant.

Favorite Cologne: I don't wear Cologne, only deodorant. I'm not picky about the brand. Nivea, Dune, whatever.

Gold or Silver: If we're talking jewelry, silver, given a choice between those metals. If I could choose freely, I would go for other metals, like steel or titanium. I don't wear any jewelry, though.

Handbag I carry most often: Since I'm neither a woman nor a cross-dresser, I don't carry a handbag. I do, however, have a Dell backpack that I take almost everywhere.

Insomnia: Rarely. Very annoying when that happens, though.

Job Title: Systems engineer.

Kids: I'd rather be pecked to death by ducks.

Living Arrangements: Living alone.

Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: I plead the Fifth.

Most Admirable Trait: You decide.

Overnight hospital stays: I had an adenoidectomy when I was very young.

Phobias: Acrophobia and one I won't disclose this openly. That would be giving weaknesses away.

Quote: „Told you so.“

Reason to smile: Not having kids.

Siblings: None.

Time I wake up: 06:40 on workdays. Not much later on weekends.

Unusual Talent or Skill: I can fold my earlobes into my auditory channel.

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Pickles.

Worst Habit: I plead the Fifth.

X-rays: I've had some. Off the top of my head, two of my chest and two of each hand, at least.

Yummy Stuff: Anything with lots of sugar or fat – or both.

Zoo Animal I Like Most: Goats, probably.

Okay, who elected Don Quixote?

2008-07-12T07:52:00.003+02:00

A few days ago, there was this G8 summit. I heard about it on the radio and the inmates that run this asylum were a bit disappointed that countries like China and India won't help them in their fight against the ~~windmills~~ climate change.

These are people who believe they can change the climate. Just with the policies they make.

I'm not asking we put them into straightjackets, pump them full of Haldol, lock them away and melt the key; although that would be appropriate.

I just want to know when we are going to start looking at them the way we look at people who think they can bend spoons, just with their mind.

Then again, maybe I don't wanna know.

Buzz!

2008-07-10T23:17:00.000+02:00

The other night, I played Buzz with a couple of friends. Great fun, but there were a few things that could have been better in the game:

(1) Randomized rounds. The gameplay always follows a certain script, which gets old quickly.
(2) More variation in the monologues of Buzz, the moderator.
(3) More characters.

Honestly, I think the amount of memory required for all of that is almost negligible, considering that the designers had a 9 GB double-layer DVD at their disposal.

Anyway, I swear I'm not a know-it-all nor a competitive jerk, but I won every single game. Except that last time where I let my friends win so I wouldn't come off as a competitive jerk. But I think I was too obvious.

Today in history

2008-07-04T19:41:00.004+02:00

232 years ago, the Second Continental Congress of the thirteen American colonies finished a letter to King George III, sovereign of the British Empire, basically telling him to go piss up a rope.

Big. Brass. Balls.

Search Term Safari

2008-07-04T19:33:00.002+02:00

A concept shamelessly and without permission stolen from The Munchkin Wrangler. Because I figured, "this guy clearly doesn't have enough copyright infringement issues yet".

So, here goes:

opposite of work

What you're doing now.

Sheesh, I've had this search term nine times so far.

atheist wels

As far as I know, there are no indications that any wels catfish are religious, so I guess it's safe to assume that all of them are atheists.

"religious mass murderers"

Do you mean just the people who went on killing sprees specifically because that's what their invisible friend told them to do, or does that include religious people who started murdering for completely unrelated reasons?

Also, at which point does one deserve to be called "mass murderer"? Three's company, four is a crowd? Or not until you start counting in MegaDead?

converting from wels to atheism

Okay, fill out this form and send your tithes for six months in advance to the bank account printed on the bottom. Your membership card (blank except for your name, of course) should arrive in the mail in 10 to 15 business days. Around that time, one of our official representatives will contact you to teach you the secret handshake. If we approve your application, that is. You can only be an atheist if you meet our standards, y'know.

You're doing it wrong! You don't "convert" to atheism. Do you dye your hair bald? Just stop being a Christian, don't pick another religion and you're done.

Arguments for health care

For the foreseeable future, this is the only body you will ever have. Eventually, it will break down and die, suddenly or slowly. Either way, at some point, you won't be able to enjoy life anymore. I recommend you try to postpone that for as long as possible. Health care will help you do that.

I also recommend not to obsess so much with prolonging your life that you forget to enjoy it. Yes, it will make you fat. Yes, it will give you zits, cancer and a heart attack. It's also delicious. Which brings us to...

jägerschnitzel

A breaded veal or pork cutlet, pan or (usually) deep fried. Served with a cream sauce with mushroom slices. A side of french fries is customary. D-lish-S.

Overheard at work

2008-07-03T17:52:00.003+02:00

Project manager: What would it take to upgrade the software from 3.1 to 3.5?
Sales guy: 0.4

Told you so

2008-06-30T06:00:00.000+02:00

Germany lost the European Soccer Championship. Like I predicted.

I'm just glad it's over. Back to business as usual.

People suck!

2008-06-26T20:32:00.002+02:00

Okay, so you're happy that someone kicked a ball into a net. Big deal. Some people are easily entertained, I guess. I can also understand that you need to share your joy with someone. However, driving your car into an otherwise quiet dead-end road in a residential area at 23:00, stopping briefly at every single house to blow your horn for about 10 seconds and blowing the horn continuously all the way back down that road is just. Plain. Rude.

It may be difficult for you to imagine, but not everyone is as fascinated by balls being kicked into nets as you are.

Unless it's your balls being kicked into a net. I'd totally watch that. Cheer, even.

Two by two, hands of blue

2008-06-24T20:11:00.006+02:00

If it weren't only a matter of time, it'd be funny.

Overheard at work

2008-06-21T12:54:00.003+02:00

My boss: "... so the question is, what is the meaning behind it?"
Other team's boss: "42?"
MB: "Beyond that."
OTB: "43?"

Co-worker calls me up, I hear a baby "quietly fussing" in the background.
Me: "Are you at home?"
Him: "Yes, I got home early from the customer."
Me: "I wish I had a life like yours."
At that very moment, his kid starts screaming like it's been dipped in aftershave.
Me: "Forget what I just said."

Oh, bloody hell

2008-06-19T22:52:00.003+02:00

Sounds like we won again. Drat!

Can someone please kick our asses already? Ask the Americans or the Russians for help if you have to. 'cause... you usually do.

On the other hand, Soccer is about the only thing that most Germans have left as a source of national pride. I disagree.

Identity inheritance

2008-06-19T19:58:00.003+02:00

Well, phone and internet are finally working. Now the fun begins.

Apparently, I have been assigned the number of some dickhead who owes a lot of people money.

I'll try sitting this out for a while. If that doesn't help, I'll ask the phone company to give me a new number. Or I'll just unplug the damn thing unless I want to make a call. The people I really want to talk to have my cell number, anyway. And my IM numbers.

Size matters

2008-06-18T22:59:00.001+02:00

To show our co-workers how little we like them, my team had a drywall built in the middle of the office, separating us from the other team. Today, only a few months after the fact, our facility manager (he's actually not a janitor, but a techie with extra responsibilities) came in to update the floor plan.

He measured the two rooms with a laser rangefinder and pronounced in our direction that
"You guys have four centimeters more than they."
My response: "Genetics, peewee."

Hm, now that I think of it... the wall goes east/west, so that could have provided for lots of Yankee/Confederate jokes. Dammit, missed opportunity. Well, none of these references would have made sense to the Krauts I work with, anyway.

Book review: Jumper

2008-06-17T21:13:00.002+02:00

I finished reading "Jumper" by Steven Gould yesterday evening. I liked the recent movie featuring Hayden Christensen and Samuel L. Jackson, so I went and got the book.

The plot is barely recognizable. Good, but very different. Can't decide if it's better. Better for a novel, worse for a movie, I'd say. Good enough to change my opinion about "most desirable super power" from Telekinesis to Teleportation. Maybe.

The only thing that made me throw up in my mouth a couple of times was the protagonist's attitude towards guns. "Why do people make these things?", he asked himself.

I found myself yelling at the book, "because not everyone has super powers, you fool!"

Will start reading the sequel "Jumper: Reflex" right after hitting publish.

I STILL no can haz intarnet

2008-06-13T20:23:00.003+02:00

I will put my thoughts on this into words later. When my inner censor is working. Right now, all I can think of is rape, pillage, torture and mass murder. I wonder whether I'm a descendant of Ghengis Khan or something. Seriously, if I wrote out what I'm thinking, it would make Hitler seem like a nice enough guy. I'm not exaggerating. At all.

Philosphy Quiz

2008-06-11T13:55:00.006+02:00

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Strong Egoism

Your life is very much guided by the concept of Egoism. You work primarily to promote your own interests.

"I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine."
"I am not primarily an advocate of capitalism, but of egoism; and I am not primarily an advocate of egoism, but of reason. If one recognizes the supremacy of reason and applies it consistently, all the rest follows."
--Ayn Rand

Existentialism

100%

Strong Egoism

100%

Hedonism

95%

Kantianism

90%

Justice (Fairness)

70%

Nihilism

45%

Apathy

35%

Utilitarianism

15%

Divine Command

Very true. It's called Objectivism, by the way.

A genuinely unpatriotic moment

2008-06-09T14:41:00.000+02:00

As I mentioned in my last post, the European Soccer Championship started yesterday evening. The first game was us against... someone.

Unfortunately, we won. Just when I was going to bed, everyone starts cheering and honking outside. Festive. Except for me, that is.

And what for? Most likely, it's going to be like all the other times when it's Germany against the rest of Europe. We get pretty far, probably even into the semi-finals, and then we get our asses kicked. And if we actually win, we'll be really insufferable.

In fact, I'd prefer it if we invaded our neighbors again, as long as we don't televise it. That way, it's quiet here while we are winning and it only gets noisy when we start losing. Besides, we haven't done that in a few decades, so it's long overdue, anyway.

Now, where did I put my Pickelhaube?

Post backdated because I no can haz intarnet

Scott me up, Beamie!

2008-06-08T16:19:00.002+02:00

Tonight, the European Soccer Championship begins. My Electronic Thumb is transmitting at full power. I hope someone will pick me up. Anyone. Even Vogons.

The Bytes Must Flow

2008-06-07T13:07:00.003+02:00

The Surfing Guild told me they'd hook me up to the intertubes on Monday. Yay!

He who controls the Bytes, controls the Internet.

What could be more interesting than me doing laundry?

2008-06-07T13:07:00.001+02:00

Included in my new apartment is a washer (no dryer) in the basement which I looked forward to very much, having done my laundry in a laundromat for most of my adult life.

Okay, it was a good opportunity to read, but it turns out that I somehow find the time to do that in my new apartment, despite being back on the mind-destructive drug that is television (I don't have internet yet). I have no clue why I couldn't do it in the old place, I just couldn't.

Anyway, I like not having to drive to the laundromat and sitting there, being bored despite reading. Now I can just go downstairs with a load of laundry, turn on the machine and come back in 40 minutes.

Except that the last part didn't work out so well. Next time, I'll set an alarm.

Waking Up

2008-06-02T19:16:00.001+02:00

My mother the nanny is here to help me decorate the new place. I could do it myself, but then the place would look kinda... spartan. I believe the current euphemism is "functional".

Anyway, she told me that when she woke up this morning, she thought "Oh gawd, it's Monday!", and then she realized that "Hey, I'm on vacation. I don't have to see the kids today!" and elaborated on how great that feeling was.

I smiled and replied "I feel like that every morning."

The Taming of the Screws

2008-05-30T14:27:00.003+02:00

Had Shakespeare known Swedish furniture, that play might have been a tad different.

Contrary to their reputation, I never once found a screw missing. I did, however, find a surplus screw several times. At least I hope so...

One more observation: I haven't even assembled my bed yet, but there's already lots of screwing going on at my place. Rowr!

Short observation about IKEA

2008-05-26T16:58:00.003+02:00

Highest number of pregnant women per square [unit] outside of a maternity ward.

I was pleased to see that the kids who had already hatched were mostly well-behaved, though.

Light blogging ahead

2008-05-25T20:27:00.002+02:00

Lighter than usual, that is. The move is on. Between packing everything up, I'm buying new furniture and disposing stuff I no longer need.

Not sure when the new place will have internet. Could be that I will spend several days sitting on the floor in the empty old place, my laptop on my knees, only going to the new place to sleep.

Arguments against public healthcare

2008-05-22T18:48:00.005+02:00

This is my response to a discussion about nationalized healthcare on an unnamed internet forum. I kinda like how it turned out, so I copypasta it here, mostly unchanged:

I'm all for health insurance. It's a good thing to have. The thing is, insurance is something completely different from nationalized healthcare, at least in any form I have ever encountered it.

First, insurance is voluntary. Sure, car insurance is mandatory, but driving is not. Since the only way out of a national healthcare system is death, there's not really much of a choice.

Second, it's unfair. I pay a king's ransom for my health insurance. In return, I get to share a hospital room with three unemployed bums who never worked a day in their lives and never paid a cent into the system they're leeching on, but enjoy the same standard of care as I. For the kind of money I'm forced to pay into the system, I should, at the very least, get a single room. With a view. Public healthcare rewards laziness and punishes productivity.

Third, PHC defeats the purpose of insurance, which is to cover you when something really bad happens. If you wreck someone else's car and your own car, that's when you should use your car insurance; if you scratch the paint when you hit a street light while you're parallel parking, you're better off paying out-of-pocket. PHC in any form known to me doesn't work that way. Whether you need your leg reattached after an accident or have an ingrown toenail or even (*gasp*) The Sniffles, PHC covers it all. There is no need to suck it up with some hot tea and chicken soup, just go to the doctor's office (it's free!) and get some (free!) antibiotics. Which opens a completely different can of worms, but I digress.

I sure hope I can pull out of that discussion before (if at all) it turns into the Paralympics.

ONOZ! Teh gheys!

2008-05-20T22:01:00.000+02:00

Ban on gay marriage overturned by California Supreme Court. Kinda oldish news by now, but I've been busy.

Anyhoo, looks like I didn't get my wish. Bummer.

At least, neither did the people of California, a slight majority of whom support a ban on gay marriage. Instead, they were taught a lesson about living in a republic instead of a democracy.

Now if only they had learned that lesson...

Respect mah authori-tay!

2008-05-18T18:22:00.001+02:00

Have some pictures of Russian cops. I can totally see them maintaining order.

Think you're a good parent?

2008-05-18T11:26:00.002+02:00

Well, go here and think again.

Hat tip to whoever found that blog at that forum.

History is bloody expensive

2008-05-14T22:25:00.004+02:00

Especially if you can't enter or leave a train station without being drawn to the bookstore like a zombie to brains.

I just spent EUR 34 (USD 51) on history books about the Weimar Republic, the German middle age and the French and Industrial Revolutions.

Interesting stuff. Damn, I wish I had thought like this when I was in school. Might have turned that D into a B or so. I'm sure the parents agree. So, if I already know they would agree, there's no need to tell them, right?

Young children and elder gods

2008-05-13T18:53:00.004+02:00

Marko's advice about sanity preservation got me thinking...

I wonder whose sanity lasts longer, on average: Parents or Cthulhu investigators?

Iron Man

2008-05-12T16:27:00.000+02:00

Yesterday evening, I went to the movies and you'll never guess which one I saw. Okay, I'll give you a hint: It wasn't Zinc Man.

Good movie, all in all. Brilliant special effects. I loved, loved, LOVED the flight scenes.

This whole "repentant Merchant of Death" thing really got on my nerves, though. So emo. So Hollywood. So... wrong.

No sane person (okay, that's a big qualifier) would hold Schneidwaren Solingen legally or even just morally responsible if people got stabbed with their products. Why are gun manufacturers legally or morally responsible if people get shot with their products?

Ah, "but guns are made for killing people", you say.

First, they are not, technically. Guns are designed to propel a copper-jacketed piece of lead out of the barrel. Where that projectile goes is not the manufacturer's problem. Compare: Knives are designed to cut stuff. Whether you use your knife to cut onions or people is not and should not be the manufacturer's concern.

Second, what they are designed for does not matter. A scalpel is designed with the (ultimate) improvement of the patient's health in mind. I can still use one to slit throats. An object's intended purpose has no influence on the morality of it's actual use.

Seriously people, get a grip. Knives don't make you cut things, hammers don't make you strike nails, matches don't make you set stuff on fire and guns don't make you shoot people. I can't believe this is not obvious to everyone.

Quiz

2008-05-10T15:20:00.003+02:00

Sunshine, clear blue sky, 24 °C (75 °F) - the perfect weather to stay home and watch a movie.

I chose Kein Bund für's Leben, a German comedy about a bunch of goofballs in the Bundeswehr who compete (and win, without doubt) against American G.I.s in a military exercise. Yeah. That plot outline alone made me laugh right there.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure that the Bundeswehr has some fine soldiers, but those are all volunteers. I'm not talking about those. We're talking conscripts here.

Anyway, using Blitzkrieg Bop by The Ramones during the inevitable training montage is...

(a) predictable
(b) distasteful
(c) funny as hell

Multiple answers are possible.

Can't recommend the movie, by the way. But I rented it, so now I'm watching it. Sunk cost fallacy be damned.

This speaks for itself

2008-05-07T18:22:00.001+02:00

No additional snark is necessary.

You don't say

2008-05-06T19:18:00.001+02:00

Billions spent on CCTV have failed to cut crime and led to an 'utter fiasco', says Scotland Yard surveillance chief

I need a T-shirt that says "I told you so."

Regrets

2008-05-06T17:48:00.001+02:00

This post was inspired by Breda.

Although Poker, specifically the ubiquitous Texas Hold'em, has become immensely popular, Skat is still a very popular game of cards in Germany. While Poker places more emphasis on the psychological aspect of the game ("play your opponent, not your cards"), Skat is a game of strategy. The ability to deduct which cards your opponents still have by which cards they already played is essential. I also like the traditional German deck with the suits Eichel, Grün, Rot and Schellen (Acorns, Green, Red and Bells), mostly because the suits are more optically distinctive. The most appealing aspect, though, at least to me, is its complexity. Unlike Poker, it's near impossible to learn by watching people play unless you are a veritable genius. For about one year, I watched co-workers play Skat on every breakfast and lunch break and I couldn't make any sense of it. If you don't know the rules, Skat bears a striking resemblance to Calvinball. Only a few years ago I was finally taught the rules, although I'd wanted to since forever.

My maternal grandfather had spent his last years in a nursing home when his Parkinson's got too bad for him to live on his own. We didn't just park him there, though; my mother visited him often. Sometimes, she took me with her. Of course, being a young teenager at the time, I was bored out of my skull.

It was only just after I started playing Skat that I learned that my grandfather had been a passionate Skat player. Apart from visits from his family, the senior citizens' Skat games on Wednesday afternoons were the thing he looked forward to the most.

Now I often wish I had learned to play Skat earlier in my life. I'd had something by which to relate to my granddad (relating to people is hard enough for me as it is, even without the massive age difference) - and it would have meant the world to him.

Which reminds me to visit my grandma and ask her for her oatmeal recipe. Yes, recipe. I can't even boil water without a recipe.

This is so wrong

2008-05-03T09:53:00.002+02:00

The British Office of Government Commerce had a new logo designed.

First, it cost the taxpayers 14,000 GBP. That's about 18,000 EUR or 28,000 USD. I could have made that logo in about an hour. I know really talented people who could have done a much better job, and they charge about 100 USD. Waste.

Second, well, the pictures speak for themselves. I have to admit, though, that it took me surprisingly long to see it, even though I had the hint that "the OGC people are all jerks".

Third, this mistake cost a lot more than 14K, because they'd had already ordered mouse mats and stationary and whatnot.

I'm not your brother

2008-05-02T11:54:00.002+02:00

... but I'm watching you. SiteMeter is up and running. Finally.

Somehow, my laptop refuses to display the SiteMeter site properly, which explains why it took me so FSM-damn long to get around to this - I always gave up in frustration. The problem is not browser-related; I tried both Firefox and IE. Works fine in the office. I also noticed that YouTube is a bit slowish on my laptop. As in, watch-rise-and-fall-of-an-empire-in-the-meantime slow. Maybe it's my anti-virus software.

ETA: Whaddaya know, Kaspersky was indeed the culprit. I've been using it for months now, only these two sites seem to be affected. *shrug*

I feel like Mary, mother of Zombie Jesus

2008-05-01T22:35:00.008+02:00

That is assuming that she came when the Holy Spook did her in her ear to knock her up with himself.

While I was in Finland, I felt it appropriate to buy some Finnish music. Specifically, the latest Nightwish album "Dark Passion Play". I finally got around to listening to it the other day.

Oh. My. FSM.

It's like an orgasm in my ear. Seriously, I have had tracks 1 and 3 alternating in an endless loop for the last 48 hours straight, either in foobar2000 or in my head. Best tune wedgie ever.

Edited to add: The rest of the album ain't too shabby, either. Also, link to amazon.com added.

About the people of Finland

2008-05-01T09:27:00.005+02:00

Well, half of them. Reader Mike W. pointed out that I neglected to mention the Finnish wimminfolk. Thanks for the comment and reading my humble blog, by the way.

Off the top of my hat, I remember four major differences to German and American women:

(1) If you like your women blond, Finland is the place for you to go. Another cliché that's not a cliché but a fact.

(2) If you are, like me, a sucker for women who wear glasses, Finland is the place for you to go. Somehow, contact lenses seem to be virtually unknown there. Either that, or Finnish women in general have inferior eyesight compared to German/American females, so there'd be statistically more spectacle wearers. Could also be that there are environmental reasons against contact lenses, like dry and/or cold air. Or that contact lenses can't tolerate sauna temperatures. Whatever. I didn't ask, I just used my perfect 20/20 vision to ogle a nation full of sexy librarians.

(3) Finnish women speak English with a Finnish accent (duh!), which sounds soo hot.

(4) Their names. There's hardly any difference between German and American names for females. Both have Julias, Jennifers, Sandras and so on. Finns have an entirely different repertoire, which makes them seem kinda exotic. Nea, Tarja, Riikka...

P.S.: I totally need to get this SiteMeter thing going, so I can see where y'all are coming from. I still can't believe I have actual readers besides the people I bribe with cookies.

Now this is what I call speed dating

2008-04-29T21:58:00.002+02:00

While I was talking to a friend and former co-worker on the phone the other day, he proposed to set me up with two single female friends of his - while profusely pointing out that he wasn't trying to get me (or them) hitched or anything.

Me: I assume they both want kids sooner or later?
TK: "Um, yeah, I think so."
Me: Pass.

May Day's Eve

2008-04-28T22:19:00.005+02:00

In Germany, it is customary to celebrate Tanz in den Mai (dancing into May) on the night before Labor Day. We are very creative when it comes to finding excuses for binge-drinking.

Anyway, my awesome friends invited me to not-dance into May with them. Food, mostly non-alcoholic beverages, one or two movies, maybe a board game or Phase 10. Now that's what I'm talkin' about. My kind of fun.

Finland

2008-04-26T15:22:00.007+02:00

I spent the better part of the last week in, you guessed it, Finland. Specifically Espoo, a suburb of Helsinki. It wasn't nearly as cold as I expected (actually, not cold at all) and the weather was awesome.

Since this was a business trip, my company booked a four star hotel for me. I took pictures of the room, but I'm too lazy to download them from my cell phone now. Maybe I'll edit this post later.

On Wednesday, I got to try various items of the Finnish cuisine. Chanterelle soup, salmon on black bread, reindeer liver, elk steak... fantastic!

Finnish as a language is... alien. It's a completely different language family. You have to memorize every word because there is no similarity to any other European language (except Hungarian). Finnish is also very inflective, i.e. the words change a lot depending on their context.

The good news is: Everybody speaks English and very likely several other languages. The Finns are very much aware of how few people speak Finnish and compensate accordingly. Finns also do not dub American TV shows, they just display subtitles. I speak from experience, that does wonders for your learning curve.

Hm... I just compared the size of Germany and Finland in preparation for the next paragraph, and this is.... odd.

According to Wikipedia, Germany is the larger of the two countries, by a small margin. The numbers are correct, I looked it up elsewhere. Is this an optical illusion, like those pictures where one circle looks smaller but isn't?

Anyway, what I found amusing: Finland has about the same size as Germany, but a population of only about 5 million people. Yet the Germans are afraid of "dying out", despite experiencing no significant decline in their 82 million people over the last 5 years.

If you think Germany is forest-y, you haven't seen Finland. In fact, the wood industry is a major factor in the Finnish GNP. There's been an article in National Geographic a while ago, which blamed the endangerment of polar bears on the Finnish wood industry. Finns are quite pissy about that one, mostly because polar bears are not native to Finland.

By the way, Finns really are quite obsessed with saunas and skiing. I thought that was just a cliché, but it isn't.

I wish I could have enjoyed it more, but I have a killer cold ever since last weekend.

Well, another country crossed off on my "places to go before I die" list.

Baby talk

2008-04-22T16:19:00.000+02:00

I just noticed that when a Finnish 3 year old and a German 3 year old try to talk, I understand both of them equally well. For reference, German and Finnish are about as similar as English and Chinese.

More details later, gotta run.

No wonder Mom and I get along so well

2008-04-20T12:18:00.003+02:00

Mom (probably quoting from somewhere): I'm beginning to think that Herod had the right idea: Kill them when they are young.
Me: Your new signature on the nanny forum?
Mom: Goood idea!

Did I mention that I learned how to swim when I was only three months old? It wasn't even that difficult - the tricky part was getting out of the bag.

I always thought these were photoshopped

2008-04-20T08:49:00.002+02:00

... but I actually saw this during installation of Microsoft SQL Server 2000:

Overheard on the internet

2008-04-17T23:23:00.002+02:00

Instant messenger window pops up.

FL: I wasn't just gaining weight over the last few months.
FL: I'm pregnant.
FL: It's a boy.
Me: WHAAAAAT?!
Me: You're kidding?
FL: Yes.
Me: Thank dog!
Me: Don't scare me like that!
FL: Can I use this conversation as an anecdote in my book "Unpopular in 2 Minutes"?

Avast, ye scurvy bilge rats!

2008-04-13T20:44:00.004+02:00

I spent the day on board of my parent's yacht. It's over 7 meters (21 feet) long and 4.10 meters (13.5 feet) wide. The 130 horse power engine only gets a cruise speed of 12 kph (7 mph) and a top speed of 15 kph (9 mph), so driving it is a bit boring, but still kinda fun. The interior is luxurious with a capital L. Seriously, my current apartment isn't half as cozy. (Can't it be June already?)

While the boat is severely deficient in buttons labeled "rig for dive" or "flood tube 1", I may have to revise my statement that Ninjas are cooler than Pirates. I'm still not sure who'd win in a fight, but Pirates are definitely cooler.

Spartans still kick everyone's ass, though.

Move Mania

2008-04-12T18:43:00.003+02:00

All the cool kids in the blogosphere do it. All my friends do it. All my co-workers do it. Birds do it, bees do it.

No, not fall in love. But now I can't get that song "Let's do it" (performed by Joan Jett) out of my head. There are worse things.

Anyway, everyone else is moving into a new home, so I might as well do it, too. The new place is teh awesome. Technically the same size as my current apartment as far as square [whatever you use to quantify distance] are concerned, but much more usable space. Closer to work. Quiet neighborhood. Thorough insulation. Nice view. Kitchen and parking included. I'm in wuv!

Okay, maybe I did fall in love, after all. Only reinforces my Tune Wedgie.

My life is STILL interfering with my blogging

2008-04-10T22:48:00.001+02:00

Maybe Saturday I'll have the time to bring y'all up to date.

Ah, Schadenfreude

2008-04-08T23:24:00.004+02:00

While I am busy with my life, have a look at other people's screwups:

Photoshop Disasters

More about what you really, really want to read about (me, of course) later.

Occupational hazard

2008-04-06T22:14:00.004+02:00

I decided that I was in too good a mood today, so I researched how many and what kinds of taxes I am paying. It worked great - no more good mood.

Anyway, when I read about the coffee tax, my mind kinda got sidetracked and I made the following observation:

Most heroin addicts claim that they "can quit anytime [they] want". IT people, on the other hand, say they "need coffee. To live." I also have to note that heroin addicts don't usually worship their drug. Seriously, when did you last see a junkie with a heroin molecule on his syringe?

Soooo... sleeeeepy....

2008-04-04T23:21:00.004+02:00

Dammit, the days are finally getting longer, the outside temperature is damn near perfect (283 °K / 8 - 10 °C / 45 - 50 °F) and instead of squealing with joy, I'm just tired. I get home and could fall right asleep without even kicking my shoes off.

Not that I could kick them off, them being 4" boots and all.

And yeah, I'm a freak. I don't want it to be 301 °K / 28 °C / 82 °F all year. Because I don't live on a beach. There's a lake a few kilometers away, but that's where everyone is going in the summer, so guess where I'm headed? The opposite direction, that's where. Besides, I have to work, which sometimes means that I have to wear a suit and a tie. Weather like that is only good when you are on vacation. Or welfare.

Overheard at work

2008-04-03T20:32:00.004+02:00

Co-worker on the phone: Okay, we'll call back later, then.
Me (muttering to myself): "We" meaning "our royal highness, King Marius I of Rheinhausen"?
Other co-worker (to me): What, don't you refer to yourself in majestic plural?
Me: That's "don't you refer to yourself in majestic plural, your highness".

Edited to add: I realize that "your highness" is the style of a duke, not that of a king. I just didn't want to overuse "majesty".

The linguistic free market

2008-04-02T22:03:00.002+02:00

Some very conservative people don't like English words creeping into the German language. They say the entire German culture in danger of being lost. They say we shouldn't have to learn English to get along in our everyday lives.

There's nothing wrong about borrowing words from other languages, especially if there is a need for new words in your own language. If you don't like them, offer an alternative in your native tongue and see if it catches on better. Curb your enthusiasm, though. Somehow, I just don't think that Felsen & Brötchen will ever replace Rock & Roll.

Speak real English, dammit

2008-04-01T22:02:00.000+02:00

I just acquired the first episode of Torchwood. Set in Cardiff, Wales, UK, I understand most actors about as well as the French subtitles.

I fail at DST

2008-03-31T21:00:00.003+02:00

Okay. First, no one tells me ahead of time that I was supposed to open the fridge, turn my AC unit on, crank up the heating, turn all lights on and set my computers to the task of calculating Pi to the last digit from 20:00 to 21:00 on Saturdary, as a counter-protest to some idiotic, treehugging hairless apes.

Then, after being rather pleased about (nearly) all my clocks and watches having automagically switched to DST, I (naturally) overlooked the single clock in my home that hadn't. Which is, of course, my alarm clock. Glorious. Festive, even.

Terrorist bird copies 9/11 attacks

2008-03-30T19:09:00.002+02:00

Movie review: Leroy

2008-03-30T13:28:00.003+02:00

Who would'a thunk it? German cinema is catching up. Not quite Hollywood yet, but we are churning out international movie stars at a steady rate and in the last few years, made a few respectable movies ourselves.

My best friend talked me into watching Leroy yesterday. The plot synopsis makes it sound like yet another movie adaptation of Romeo & Juliet; and truth be told, it is. However, it's a comedic approach with a happy end.

If you like the Three Stooges, watch it.

The only downside of this flick: ~~German~~ Hip Hop is teh suXx0rZ.

Cell phones

2008-03-29T03:30:00.001+01:00

Time to brag about my new cell phone: A Motorola RAZR V6 MAXX.

It's surprisingly difficult to find a decent phone that flips open in Germany; apparently, it's a cultural thing. While folders are rather popular in the U.S., Germans seem to prefer candy bar-style phones. Don't ask me why.

Anyway, I wanted a phone that flips open, has a somewhat decent camera (I rarely see something worth taking pictures of, so I certainly won't lug a camera around with me), has Bluetooth and can play MP3s. Yes, most of those features are utterly unnecessary in a cell phone. That's what I like about (mostly) free-market economies: It's not about necessities, it's driven by what people want and are willing to pay for.

Speaking of free markets, I also used this opportunity to vote with my money: Nokia has decided to close their cell phone factory in Bochum, despite that site being profitable. They're perfectly within their rights to do so. However, I and surprisingly many others will not buy their products anymore, as a result. Frankly speaking, I was rather amazed at how many people asked me "But it's not a Nokia, right?" first thing after I told them about my new phone. Even more surprising, remarkably few people (that I heard of) are calling for someone to do something.

Except, of course, try to get the subsidies back, which is unlikely to happen. What's the point, anyway? They levy high taxes on companies (which you can't tax in the first place) and then lower the taxes again through subsidies, so the high tax rate doesn't hurt the economy as much. That's like forcing people to "donate" blood by stabbing them and then infusing them with some of that same blood so the stab wound won't kill them. How about using needles instead of knives?

Well, at least it made my decision easier, because I didn't have to look at Nokia phones.

Q10

2008-03-26T21:02:00.003+01:00

By recommendation of Marko a.k.a. The Munchkin Wrangler, I tried the text editor Q10. In fact, I'm typing this post with it.

It is indeed a no-frills text editor that certainly does not suffer from the deadly disease that kills most good software these days. I'm talking about feature overload, of course. The lack of a menu takes some getting used to; I actually had to use the F1 key to find out how to save or open a file. The help dialog that appears is extremely short, concise and helpful, though. Being able to change the font, font and background color is nice, but most text editors can do that, these days.

It's greatest advantages are a) the small size, b) portability, c) the cost (free) and d) the typewriter sounds.

If a minimalistic yet fun text editor is what you are looking for, this is for you.

I can't quite put a finger on why it just doesn't feel right for me, though. Maybe it's the lack of regular expressions. Or that it doesn't have a block cursor.

Some inconvenient truths

2008-03-26T21:01:00.001+01:00

This morning, my car was covered in a thick layer of snow.

I already had my summer tires installed.

Al Gore is full of sh*t.

I'm a convert!

2008-03-25T18:40:00.001+01:00

The other day, I conducted a culinary experiment with sirloin steak. I used to like my steaks well done. Certain people would cringe if they read this, and rightly so. Anyway, this time, I tried to cook it as little as possible. I did make sure to kill the tapeworms, though.

Long story short, Tam is right. Overcooking meat is murder. By the way, is that woman ever wrong?

My sincerest apologies to all the cows I have eaten without fully appreciating the flavor of their flesh.

Things you shouldn't blog about

2008-03-24T19:49:00.002+01:00

Well, today was/is my last day off. I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to going back to work.

I guess it'll last for about 25 minutes.

Idiots

2008-03-18T17:42:00.004+01:00

Do I like them because they make me feel smarter or do I hate them for fucking up the gene pool?

I realize that the people behind the counter of fast food restaurants usually aren't rocket scientists, but dammit, the register is telling you how much change to give. There is no math involved, just counting. Is that too much to ask for these days?